Category Archives: Sermons

BAPTISM SERVICE: Shiloh Family Retreat Center August 26, 2018

BAPTISM SERVICE: Shiloh Family Retreat Center August 26, 2018 2 PM
Rev. Jeremy B. Stopford, Pastor First Baptist Church, Earlville, NY

TODAY’S “SPECIAL”: MY FAVORITE BAPTISM “FUNNY”
The new pastor, fresh out of Bible School, was officiating his very first baptism service.
He gets the candidate into the water. He asks the candidate if he loves Jesus and what his favorite verse is.
Then he asks the candidate, “do you now yield yourself to be baptized?” The candidate excitedly said, “Yes!”.
The nervous pastor says to the candidate, “It is my joy to baptize you in the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
Drink ye all of it.”

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“WHERE DOES THE FAMILY OF GOD COME FROM?” (Psalm 20)

“WHERE DOES THE FAMILY OF GOD COME FROM?”
(Psalm 20)
Shiloh Family Retreat Center August 24, 2018 7 PM
Rev. Jeremy B. Stopford, Pastor First Baptist Church, Earlville, NY

TODAY’S “SPECIAL”: DEEP RAVINE
One lovely morning, Ben and Thomas were out golfing. Ben slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball.
Ben searches diligently through the thick underbrush and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.
Ben excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: “Hey Thomas, come here, I got big trouble down here.”
Thomas comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out, “What’s the matter Ben?”
Ben shouts back in a nervous voice, “Throw me my 7-iron! Looks like you can’t get out of here with an 8-iron.”

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“WE’RE GOIN’ ON A WABBIT TRAIL!” (Mark 6:1-6)

“WE’RE GOIN’ ON A WABBIT TRAIL!” (Mark 6:1-6)
August 12, 2018 10:30 AM Rev. Jeremy B. Stopford, Pastor

TODAY’S “SPECIAL”: “Helping a Friend”
Morty and Saul, are out one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking. 
Saul, the banker, says to Morty, “So listen, Morty, you know I don’t swim so well.”
Morty remembered how to carry another swimmer from his lifeguard class when he was just a kid. He begins tugging Saul toward shore. After twenty minutes, Morty begins to get tired.
Finally about 50 feet from shore, Morty asks Saul, “So Saul, do you suppose you could float alone?” 
Saul replies, “Morty, this is a lousy time to be asking for money!”

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“A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY” (Mark 5)

“A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY” Mark 5
August 5, 2018 10:30 AM
Rev. Jeremy B. Stopford, Pastor

TODAY’S “SPECIAL”: STINGY RICH MAN
A crumbling old church building needed remodeling, so, during his sermon, the preacher made an impassioned appeal looking directly at the richest man in town.
At the end of the sermon, the rich man stood up and announced, “Pastor, I will contribute $1,000.”
Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder. He promptly stood back up and shouted, “Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5,000.”
Before he could sit back down, plaster fell on him again, and again he virtually screamed, “Pastor, I will double my last pledge.”
He sat down, and a larger chunk of plaster fell on his head. He stood up once more and hollered, “Pastor, I will give $20,000!”
This prompted a deacon to shout, “Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again!”

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“OUR NOT SO SECRET WEAPON” (Mark 4:1-20)

“OUR NOT SO SECRET WEAPON” Mark 4:1-20
July 29, 2018 10:30 AM
Rev. Jeremy B. Stopford, Pastor

TODAY’S “SPECIAL”: “A Grandma Funny”
A pastor assured his congregation he was their servant and that they should feel free to call him anytime they had a problem.
That very night the pastor’s phone rang at 3 a.m. On the other end was a dear elderly lady who said, “Pastor, I can’t sleep.”
“I’m so sorry to hear that,” he comforted her.
“But what can I do about it?” the pastor said.
She sweetly replied, “Preach to me a while, pastor.”

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